Angel
by niruffcoollie
Summary: Ludwig sits and waits for brother to come home every day after a tragic event. He spends every Christmas in pain and agony. Will he ever get to see Gilbert again?


**A/N:** This was written for the Germanfest Secret Santa 2013 on Tumblr. I wanted to publish this on Christmas, but I wasn't feeling too good. I'm glad I did it before 2014, though.

**Names:**

Ludwig = Germany

Gilbert Beilschmidt = Prussia

Feliciano = North Italy

Alfred = United States of America

Mark = Molossia

Arthur = Britain

Elizaveta = Hungary

Kiku = Japan

**Warnings:**

Language

Verbal Abuse

Physical Abuse

Depression

Death / Suicide

Gay Incestuous Themes

They were disgusting creatures. Humans. Especially the tiny ones. _Kids._ They chased each other around without a care in the world. A scrawny little runt constantly rubbed his runny nose. Some quarreled and declared they weren't friends anymore. The more brutal ones rapidly chucked snowballs at each other with wicked grins on their face. The little devils cackled unethically with their shrill voices as they made 'angels' in the wretched snow, probably in hopes of getting the message across that they would slice you open and tear your organs out if you made even the tiniest mistake. A baby's face held some sort of food that had dried and caked on, but it could have been the sticky crimson called blood.

Snow wasn't the best thing in this horrific world, either. Loathsome was an understatement when used to describe snow. Of course, that meant the human children cherished it. They dragged their sleds up a snow-coated hill, only to slide back down and end up where they started. One would think it was completely pointless, but it was most likely a kind of sacred ritual. Their faces lit up once their mother's told them they may play outside and so they rushed out to taint the white-covered ground with footprints and pee. Dogs weren't allowed to be blamed for any snow they urinated on, as their owners wouldn't let them relieve themselves anywhere else. Plus, they were too dumb to learn how to use a toilet.

Once upon a time, he too got excited when frost clung to the window. He would bundle up in all the warm clothes he needed, which always consisted of a Christmas sweater, a heavy green coat, boxers, long pants, long white socks, and black boots. The usual plan would go along as usual, including the part where his eldest brother, Gilbert, called him a pussy for one reason or another. A simple roll of the eyes was all he offered in response as he headed out the door. Gilbert tagged along since they worked at the same place, but he assumed he would have followed him anyway. On the weekdays, they went to Tierheim Berlin, where they worked. It lifted him to see all the children coming to buy the animals that weren't usually bought, even if it was just because they were 10% off. Then again, animals and children filled him with glee the most, besides Gilbert who always claimed first place. The last time he attempted to follow out his daily routine would have been his favorite day if a tragic event didn't rush in to ruin his life.

He didn't joyfully throw on his winter clothes anymore. Instead, he wore the same clothes every single day. It had already been ten years already. He only took them off when they got dirty. When his clothes went through the washer, he pranced around the house naked. He hadn't cooed at the animals ever since the certain day that took a turn for the worst. In fact, he got fired for brushing the dogs too hard, yelling at the rodents to wake up when he fed them, and dropping the cats instead of simply setting them down. While he had good intentions, that wasn't the way to treat an animal.

"Ludwig." He glanced up at the sound of his name. Oh. Just him again. Not Gilbert, as always. He didn't know why he expected anybody else, anyway. Yet, he continued to wait for his brother to come back 24/7. He turned his attention back to the creatures outside. Whatever his friend had to say - it didn't seem like they were really friends anymore, though. Just two people who lived in the same home together - couldn't possibly matter in any way. The only thing he wanted to hear was the sound of his sibling's voice.

"It's time for lunch." the person he lived with, Feliciano, continued after he didn't get a response. Ludwig's quietness wasn't anything new, especially on Christmas. He tried to get Ludwig to go to the counselor once, but it only seemed to make furious. He also attempted to take place as his counselor since he refused to get a real one, but he never answered any of his questions. Not that he really talked at all, anyway. The blond could speak, but when he did, he didn't usually have anything nice to say. Feliciano wished his friend - Feliciano thought of them as friends - would stop being so passive aggressive and rude.

"Will Brother be joining us?" he finally murmured after a few minutes. He might as well talk if his housemate was just going to stare at him the whole time. At least he let him take the time to calm down and think of an answer. They wouldn't talk to each other for days if the German didn't feel like it. That didn't stop all the worried stares cast his way, though.

"Luddy, you know that Gilbert hasn't eaten with us for a while now." Of course he knew. It wasn't like he was a dumb mutt. He graduated from school as an honor student and even joined the military. He was as intelligent as any person could be. Maybe Feliciano was the dumb one. He had to give him credit for his patience and ability to see the beauty in everything, something Ludwig failed at, so perhaps he was smart in some ways.

"I'm not eating until I know he's fed." It took him another thirty seconds to talk. His brain filled up with images of Gilbert with his ribs beginning to show, picking scraps of moldy bread out of trash cans and nibbling on pieces of grass. It didn't occur to him that he himself looked a lot like that, for he never bothered to look in mirrors anymore. He could feel his cheeks and ribs sometimes. On better weeks, he ate so much that he grew chubby. While food tasted great, he didn't want to move away from the sofa. He vaguely recalled a time where Feliciano brought potatoes over to him and joked that he was a couch potato.

"But you love food." But, as said, he refused to leave the couch until he got so hungry he could hardly move, which meant he couldn't look out the window or answer to door if Gilbert came back. Unless, of course, it was one of those better times when he felt like needed to have a whole buffet for a meal, just like he used to. Though, he used to work out back then, so he was in shape.

"Big Brother needs to eat first, so until you have proof that he ate today, I am not going to eat." He didn't hesitate this time. If Feliciano had any information about Gilbert's well-being, he expected to know as soon as possible.

"Ludwig…" Feliciano began softly. He instantly knew he was going to get lectured about how Gilbert wasn't going to come back for a long time - one day was a long time, though, so he should have been back by now - and he needed to go to talk about his feelings until then. At least, that's what he thought he knew.

"Gilbert's not going to come back." Feliciano continued, his voice almost inaudible. …Well…! He didn't expect that.

"What?" he questioned, voice disbelieving and just as soft. It wasn't a what as in 'I didn't hear you,' but more of a 'I'll give you a chance to apologize before I get upset.'

"Gilbert isn't going to come back." he repeated, not taking the bait. The nervousness within his tone became more clear. He knew Gilbert wasn't going to come back. Their old friends left after it was obvious Ludwig didn't want to do any activities anymore and grew so mentally ill he looked like he was ready to snap their necks, but what really sent them over the edge was when they told the poor soul his favorite thing in the whole world was gone forever, only to be threatened and yelled at in return. Feliciano glanced at his phone, probably ready to flee to his brother's house. His 'caretaker' was incredibly lucky his kin stuck around.

"Yes, he is!" Ludwig screeched. He whipped his head around, causing his roommate to cower in fear. "How do you know?!" He turned back around and pressed his face against the window. Fog spread across the glass, but he couldn't care less. "Oh, Brother, I love you. Please get home soon." He whined and rubbed his cheek against the windowpane.

"Ludwig. Please come eat." he quickly tried to change the subject. Ludwig never physically hurt anybody or anything, at least not on purpose, but fright sparked inside of him anyway. At least he didn't seem as enthusiastic to start a quarrel. Not yet, anyway.

"No! _No!_ I'm not going to eat the fucking junk you call food!" he spat. He shot up out of his seat and sent the surprisingly older male a sharp look that could take down a whole country. Feliciano shied away once again. Ludwig sneered and got ready to slip outside before his housemate recovered and coaxed him to eat again, but the look in those chestnut-brown eyes made all of his escape plans vanish.

Terror. As if a monster towered above him with saliva-coated fangs ready to sink into his jugular vein. And maybe he was. Because he was human, and humans were monsters. That's why Gilbert couldn't possibly human. He was probably an angel sent to Earth to help them stop their malicious ways. Too bad his perfect angel fled because of the species he tried to protect.

And he realized in that moment that the thing he hated the most was himself. He shouldn't feel so lost and upset. Gilbert was obviously going to come back, and he hated himself for wondering what would happen if he didn't. Sure, ten years was a long time, but he'd wait forever. Avoiding a planet populated with the vile things that drove him out was a terribly hard task, so he was definitely ready to seek refuge in his house.

_"You shouldn't hate your own species so much. That's kinda not okay."_ he remembered his former friend, Alfred, told him once. But he hadn't felt the cruel pain of having the love of his life forcefully ripped from his arms. He didn't know what it was like to want to rip your own heart out, though he was pretty sure his own heart was already gone, anyway. He was just Alfred, the happy-go-lucky dork who hadn't a care in the world. Come to think of it, he didn't really remember much else about his old companion. One minute he declared that he, the hero, was going to cure Ludwig of his heartbreak, and the next minute he was gone.

"Ludwig?" Slim fingers grazed his shoulder. And then he was gone. He turned tail and dashed out of the house. It didn't matter where he was going, as long as he escaped his very own thoughts. He couldn't take it anymore. The memories. It pained him to remember the sorrowful look Gilbert cast him before he vanished. He couldn't stand to think about his friends fading away one by one. He didn't want to recall how much time he spent all alone, not wanting to meet anybody else in fear they got plucked away from him, too.

After he stopped jogging in the mornings and lost his proper diet, the energy drained from him fairly quickly. While he still ran as fast as a domestic cat, he stopped to catch his breath only after a couple of minutes. Pants formed into fog due to the winter weather. Large fingers clutched on to kneecaps.

His frown deepened as he stared at the untouched snow in between his feet. It reminded him of Gilbert's porcelain skin. He crouched down to stoke the snow, but he hurriedly yanked his hand away. /No./ This wasn't and wouldn't ever be his brother. This was the cold and merciless Death. Gilbert wasn't dead, he promised himself. In fact, he was pretty sure they had some telepathy going on. He felt the other man's feelings. They felt uncertain at that moment.

_"Hey! You!" a high-pitched voice shouted from the distance. The men stopped in their tracks and glanced over their shoulders. Not spotting anything, they turned around one at a time. The source of the sentence came from a boy, probably no more than twelve. His black sunglasses that shielded his eyes, dark pants, green jacket, and scowl unnerved him. The large canine beside him didn't help his appearance. He wondered why a kid dressed like a gangster, but he mentally noted it wasn't any of his business._

_"Good morning. What's your name?" Ludwig called back, silently hoping he wasn't a brat. Then a couple other children came into view. Then a few more. The process repeated until it looked like the whole neighborhood was there. He was quite surprised about how many children surrounded the one speaking to them. He assumed he was wrong and the boy was actually very excepting and friendly. Why else would those other kids crowd around him?_

_"Good morning? It's a horrible morning now! I wish I didn't run into you homos! Run off and tell all your gay friends that Mark's" Gilbert visibly flinched at the name. Ludwig squeezed his brother's hand tighter in a poor attempt to comfort him. "dad is going to kick your butts!" Ludwig's ghost of a smile faded into a frown. Gilbert gasped in shock, but was quick to retaliate._

_/"Excuse you./ We have all the right in the world to be happy. Also, you're a homo sapien, so your attempt at insulting me failed. I'm telling your father that you're being rude to me!" Pink eyes narrowed. His lower lip curled back into a fierce snarl, much like a cat did to him when he tried to get close. Being around animals all day seemed to have some sort of effect._

_"Oh, Brother, don't provoke him. Let's just go." He softly tugged at the oldest's hand, but he didn't budge._

_"You don't even know my dad! And you're pretty dumb 'cause you don't even know what I'm talking about!" He stuck his tongue out, to which Gilbert copied._

_"Yeah!" a younger kid was quick to agree._

_"Get a room, you butt-humpers!" another joined in._

_"You're the stupid one! I was obviously making a great comeback to your worthless untrue sentence, but your puny little brain couldn't handle such large words!" Ludwig was a little surprised that Gilbert continued to bicker. That was only something he did with Elizaveta, their boss. The only thing preventing him from getting fired was because they were friends. Then again, he was always one to pick a fight._

_"We're not your friends anymore!" The shortest added to the conversation. She, and most of the others, didn't seem to understand what was going on. They all looked a little frightened of Mark, especially when he shoved the shortest kid and glared daggers into her soul. Apparently he wasn't popular because he was friendly, but because he seemed to know what he was talking about so all the neighbor kids attempted to be like him._

_"You have until the count of three to stop holding hands, sickos." Gilbert rolled his eyes and interlaced their fingers. Ludwig was slightly surprised, but he didn't complain since he felt like he was in heaven; he silently scolded himself for allowing a single action to make him feel so elated._

_"Yeah? What are you going to do when you get to three?" A smirk spread across Gilbert's face like butter on toast when he failed to receive a retort. "He's just my brother, by the way. It sickens me to think of him like anything more than that. I'm sorry you pathetic freaks get off to incest."_

_Ludwig's heart shattered. Oh, God. Oh, God, have mercy. Don't take away his heaven. He couldn't take it. He couldn't bare the pain. He couldn't live with his heart eating itself inside-out. Even though his brain shrieked and lectured him about how he couldn't possibly be in love with any member of his family, his heart screamed and sobbed over its wounds. Of course he shouldn't want to be romantically involved with him. Of course their closeness was just brotherly. Of course he felt like the devil was torturing him, because some part of him whispered that even though it was gravely wrong, he should've been able to love whoever he wanted. Even if he was ashamed and wanted to kill himself for being such a sick and awful person, he couldn't stop the unbearable ache. He couldn't just stand there and deal with the pain. But he had to._

_"Big Brother! You can't say that stuff around children!" His voice cracked, obviously on the verge of crying. Gilbert simply gave a few pats to his shoulder._

_"Children don't act like this. This is an ungrateful brat who deserves a good beating." He scrunched up his nose and glared at Mark._

_"Brother!" he warned._

_"Your face is funny-looking. You belong in hell." Mark glanced at his dog and opened his mouth to speak again._

A loud gasp erupted from his throat as he came to. Whenever he had flashbacks, he froze up. It might have been because he did the same thing when Gilbert caused his emotions to pop up so fast he couldn't handle it all. Discretely rubbing the tears from his eyes, he dashed off again. He didn't get very far before he collided with another body, one smaller than his own.

"Hey! Watch it! You could have hurt my new cat!" a little boy squeaked. A pitiful meow came from inside the box the boy was carrying. Ludwig felt the need to apologize and tend to the cat's needs, but it went as quick as it came. "Sic 'im, boy!" the young kid ordered the Dalmatian beside him. The dog simply stared up at his owner, most likely from incomprehension than disobeying. To be far, the kid had a strong English accent. But Ludwig didn't notice.

_"Sic 'im, boy!" Mark ordered his dog. The dog bared his teeth as his hindquarters pushed himself off the ground. His muscles rippled beneath his fur as he leapt forward._

_"No! What are you doing?!" Ludwig growled threateningly, trying to intimidate the canine, but he was just met with an equally terrifying growl from the mutt. Then he realized the dog was running straight towards his dear brother, while the kids dashed over to him himself. He could easily take down a little boy, but a hoard of kids and a vicious dog? No way. He would've died trying to save his sibling, though._

_"You brother is weird. Maybe I'll let you go if you can beat me in a card game." one girl called, but was promptly ignored._

_"Yeah! Look at his eyes! He's obviously a demon!"_

_"No! You don't understand! Stop!" he called out desperately. Barely dodging grabby little hands, he sprinted after the dog. His powerful jaws clamped on to Gilbert's leg, producing a wail as long fangs sunk into his flesh. Ludwig forcefully ripped the mutt's head away from his precious brother. Too bad the little monsters leapt on to his back at that very moment. He crashed to the ground and the whine forcefully knocked out of his lungs. He gasped for breath as tiny bodies crawled all over him._

_"Run!" Ludwig choked out._

_"What about y-" Gilbert started, but was promptly cut off._

_"Run or else I'll chase you, too!" He couldn't, as he got shoved into the grass, but neither of them were really thinking at that moment._

_Gilbert whipped around and dashed off, though he struggled to get away with his newly acquired limp, as if he constantly stepped on his wings._

_And there goes his angel._

"Whoa! You're so tough! You didn't even bat an eye." The child frowned when a didn't receive an answer. "In fact, your eyes are wide open and you haven't moved a muscle. Are you paralyzed or…?"

"Oh, uh, what?" Ludwig asked after he snapped out of it.

"I was just jokin', y'know? My dog wouldn't hurt a fly! I've tried to teach him to beat up that jerk, Arthur, though." That's when he fully realized he was talking to some dumb snot-nosed brat. One of those things that drove off the love of his life. Another mew came from the box and a paw poked through one of the many holes. Oh, yes. And the crazy animals. Clear-white claws hooked on to his Christmas sweater.

He wanted to squeeze that cute little paw, just begging for attention, and so he did.

"Fuck off, pussy." He tightly gripped on to the cat's-paw and forcefully ripped its claws out of his sweater. Truthfully, he hated the red fashion catastrophe, especially since it had three white reindeer humping each other on it, but Gilbert loved it when he wore it. A threatening hiss and a cry of surprise from the child followed after, but he could care less. He simply exhaled loudly to signify/highlight his utter disgust, then marched away. Streams of curses flew at him, but he couldn't have cared less.

Thoughts grew in his mind as he walked, but he was too tired and stressed to run again. Besides, he used to enjoy taking walks in the park…with Gilbert…He wanted to hold hands, kiss, go on dates and whatever else couples did together. Not that the person he loved was there. He didn't know if that was unfortunate or not. Of course it was, unbearable even, but given his romantic feelings, and if Gilbert were still there, it would've been an agonizing event, whether Gilbert like him back or not.

What if he confessed? What if Gilbert hated him? For life. He would've drowned in his tears and screamed until his vocal cords snapped. He knew how sick and wrong he was. Oh, he couldn't handle it if Gilbert hated him. His life would have vanished if his brother- his /brother/ for goodness sake - ever said he hated him, even as a joke. He just couldn't deal with the extricating pain.

What if he confessed? What if Gilbert told him they wanted to stay brothers? Just brothers. He would've solemnly nodded, even though it would've felt like his heart was ripped right out of his chest by the blood-caked hand of hell. He would've ripped the sheets off his bed and roll himself up until he couldn't breathe. So he couldn't hear him wail in agony. And then he would survive. He would survive and pass out fake smiles until he was alone and could sob in relative-peace.

What if he confessed? What if Gilbert was willing to think about it? He would've been ecstatic. He would've hugged him and kissed his cheek in his sudden excitement. He'd stop wondering if there was something wrong with him. That is, until Gilbert finally made up his mind. And told him no.

What if he confessed? What if Gilbert loved him in return? He would've been the luckiest man alive. That is, if they weren't related. Plus, being gay wasn't totally accepted, either. He'd have to double check every time he wanted to plant even the tiniest of kisses on the other. He would have to say he loved him so quietly that he couldn't even hear himself. Curious eyes and chattering mouths were always around to ruin other people's lives.

What if he didn't confess? Well, that's kind of how he was living.

No matter what, he always came out as the gross loser consumed by fright and sorrow.

A shrill ring startled him out of his thoughts. His tense shoulders only relaxed when he realized it was just the bell hanging on the door. His feet led him to Tierheim Berlin, just like they did last year. Only this time, his former boss didn't greet him. In fact, she didn't even look up from her laptop. Luckily, he wasn't a costumer. So he waited. He definitely wasn't going to continue his day until she acknowledged him. After ten minutes, she sighed and glanced up at him.

"Good morning, Ludwig." his former boss, Elizaveta, greeted. She promptly returned her attention to the screen. Whatever. Good enough for him, as long as she kept conversing with him. It still bothered him that she wasn't following the unwritten script, though.

"Good morning, Elizaveta. Did that black cat get adopted, yet?" he responded. He attempted a small smile.

"She got adopted ten years ago." The smile instantly vanished. He started to get worried about Elizaveta's health. Little did he know she wasn't repeating the same thing she did every year because she was worried about /his/ health.

"Should I feed the rodents?"

"They're already eating."

"Oh, well, did-"

"Ludwig," Elizaveta began. Ludwig nibbled his lower lip as she continued, "You do this every year. I'm sorry Gilbert is gone, but you can't live the same day over and over every Christmas. I appreciate your help, but you got fired, remember? If you really want, I could interview you, but you'd have to come by way more than once a year if you got the job."

This wasn't how his day was supposed to go. Feliciano and Elizaveta must have forgotten their lines. Feliciano was supposed to tell him he needed to eat so he could stay big and strong, just if Gilbert wasn't feeling too good. Elizaveta was supposed to tell him the black cat found lovely owners and since the rodents already got fed, so he should go see if the litter boxes need cleaned.

"I- I'm going to go clean the litter boxes now, so…" Before he could take off, a hand settled on his shoulder.

_"Ludwig._ Either you apply for the job, adopt a pet, or leave."

"I'll go check on the cats!" She wrapped her arms around him. It would have looked intimate to any other person if his face wasn't panting for air. She finally realized and loosened her grip.

"Sorry. Are you okay?" He gave the slightest of nods. She patted his stomach and turned him around so he was facing the door. "Look… I think Gilbert would go to your house and not here. He could be there now and you wouldn't even know it."

Ludwig scrambled outside without another word. Gilbert could be waiting for him! That would've been the best Christmas present ever. He long to see, touch, smell, and use all of his senses for Gilbert. Taste definitely sounded like a good one, but he instantly lectured himself for thinking such a thing. He ran so fast that he constantly stumbled and bumped into things, so he bumped into another body once again.

A loud gasp erupted from his throat. It couldn't be…

_His attempts to throw off the army of kids was in vain. In fact, he was pressed tightly into the ground and he could hardly breathe. A face hovered above him. That boy with his toothy grin. That boy with his eyes glinting with mischief. That boy with his scrunched-up round nose, red cheeks, and triumphic look. That monster with pure hate eating up his very soul._

_"You'll thank me some day, y'know?"_

_"Never." he forced out breathlessly. No way in hell was he ever going to thank him for not only mentally injuring his dear brother, but physically hurting him. Well, the dog did that, but Mark trained the mutt. Dogs followed orders without a single question, mostly because they couldn't speak._

_"Tch, tch, tch." he clicked his tongue against the root of his mouth. "He's evil."_

_"I love him." He did. He loved him with all his heart. Oh, how he wished he only meant it in a brotherly way. He craved to only want to hold his hand a few times when the time was special than to always have their fingers entwined, kiss his cheek when he was shit-faced and feeling brave than passionately kiss his lips when he arrived home from his friend's house just because he liked it, and hug him and smile at rare times than hugging forever and grinning all day. No matter how much he wanted to be normal, the latter options sent butterflies into his stomach. He still wanted to do brotherly things if he ever saw Gilbert again, but he also wanted to do things couples did._

_"Looks like he started to spread his disease to you. Good thing I got rid of 'im."_

_A pair of paws came into his view, closely followed by loud thumps. A hyper tail repeatedly slammed itself into the ground right next to his face. It repeatedly slapped him in the face. Luckily, it didn't really hurt. That was nothing compared to what he had experienced before. It was just a dog tail, anyway. Besides, he got used to suffering after that day._

_A pale arm plopped in front of his face. Oh, God, no. He knew who that arm belonged to, but he hated to admit it. He remembered puking out the very little food left in his stomach before he blacked out._

A small whimper escaped from his throat as he raised his shoulders, much like a dog would to show his submission. The man in front of him, probably about 22 years old, frowned. He slowly held out his hand, as if approaching a wounded animal, but he quickly drew it away when Ludwig gasped and his pupils dilated.

"Are you okay, sir?" he murmured, hardly above a whisper. He even had an American accent, just like Mark did. Tears peeked out from the corners of his eyes. He never cried, but that day was something different altogether. The man took the smallest step forward, hardly a centimeter, and suddenly, that fear turned to anger. Even though he was broken, some part of him was still the Ludwig he was ten years ago. The tough serious guy who refused to cry, no matter what. The one who often got annoyed by his friends' reckless behavior and bickering to the point he yelled after he just couldn't stand it anymore. He wasn't very expressionative, and he still remained that way, especially after morning was through, but his words and actions made up for his lack of displayed emotion.

"How dare you?!" he screeched. His eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly. It was the man's turn to let fear deep into his body. People nearby cast a curious glance his way, but he didn't notice them. He didn't care about them, anyway. He didn't give a damn about any living things besides his eldest brother. He couldn't even say he cared about himself.

"How dare you judge him?! /Hurt him?/" he spat at the guy. Obscenities leapt from his mouth at a frantic rate. He didn't even know if he was Mark. All he knew was that a long time ago a kid who looked like this man destroyed his life. He needed somebody to let out his frustrations on after bottling up his emotions so long the previous day. After not really talking to anybody much about it for ten years.

"Ludwig!" A hand grabbed his and dragged him away. He doesn't argue this time. He was extremely happy to get away from the assumed-to-be source of his problems, even if he couldn't directly insult him anymore. Besides, the large clock in the middle of town gave off fourteen chimes, signaling it was 2:00 P.M., which meant it was passed time for him to enter his robot state.

Once he was inside, he plopped on to the couch and stared out the frost-glazed window, just like he did that very morning. He noticed the plate of wurst on the side table, but he chose to ignore it. After all, robots don't need to eat. The scent wafted up to his nose and his stomach whined and begged for food. He ignored that, too.

His eyes pinned down the roman numerals in the distance. He could barely make out the minute hand, much less the hour hand. Nevertheless, he stared. By five o'clock, when he was usually at his calmest, his housemate came to check on him again. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the Italian frown at the full plate beside him. Then, he carefully set down a few wrapped gifts on the armrest. Ludwig wondered why, sometimes. Why did he stay with him when everybody else gave up hope? Why did he take care of him, despite the resistance and attitude he gained in return? Why did he give him presents, even though they were likely to be forgotten after he released them from the wrapping paper? No matter what Ludwig said or did, Feliciano was always there to support and help him.

"I lost the love of my life, too." Feliciano murmured and sat next to him. "I still wait for him to come back and I'm really upset he isn't here, yet. But you can't let that stop you, Luddy. You need to stay strong. If Gilbert ever came back, he would be disappointed you didn't stay strong for him. After coming home from who knows where, he'd need the person devoted to him the most to welcome him and remind him that you remained strong for him. That you truly believed he was coming home. He'd hate to see you like this."

That was probably the reason he stuck by his side. Even though he denied it, he knew his friend at least had an idea about what he was feeling. Feliciano had faith in him. Whatever the reason, he thought he would one day feel motivated to become healthy again. And maybe because he pitied him. He must look like some sniffling baby who dropped their toy to other people. And, just perhaps, he understood him. They both lost the person most dear to them. They still had each other, but they didn't like each other like that, especially since Ludwig refused to talk or do anything so much that they hardly interacted anymore. Besides, it was hard to like one person when your heart craved another. Feliciano moved in because they were best friends…and maybe because they needed to support one another when it was hard to stand and move on by theirselves.

They stared outside together. Feliciano didn't really like to stay in one place for to long, especially if he was doing something as boring as watching a clock, but he hoped this would somehow help him gain his trust and bond with him.

"Time to go to bed." he announced once the clock struck eleven.

There was a knock at the door.

Both of them stared at the door, slightly spooked. Nobody ever came over anymore. The last person to ever come over was Kiku, their old friend. Suddenly, a goofy grin spread across Ludwig's face. He softly bounced in his seat.

"What?" the Italian questioned.

"That's Big Brother. I know it is."

_"Oh, Ludwig."_ He wrapped an arm around his shoulder in some form of hug.

"When I went to Tierheim Berlin Elizaveta told me to go home because Brother could be waiting for me. It's him! I just know it's him!"

"Don't be too disappointed if it isn't him." he murmured after another knock. Pushing his hands down on the soda to help himself get up, - he regretted the time he used to rely on his best friend so much since he finally knew how stressful it could be - he let his arms stretch above his head. Yawning way louder than necessary, though he wasn't trying to be rude, he sauntered over to the door and opened it. Ludwig curiously glanced over at the door.

"Hello. My name is Gilbert. I'm looking for-" the young man at the door began.

"Brother!" Despite his deep voice, he managed to make some sort of squeal-like sound. Not giving the man a chance to reply, he sprinted towards the door to scoop Gilbert into his arms. Oh, to feel his warmth again. To touch him and hold him. To know everything was going to be alright. He buried his nose into Gilbert's neck. He didn't really smell the same anymore, but he was probably out in the wild the whole time. He was just lucky to have him back, but unfortunate to lose him in the first place.

He held him tighter as thoughts raced through his brain. Now that he was back, they could be together for the rest of their lives. They could go out for ice cream, go to the bar, play games, and whatever Gilbert wanted to do, as long as it was safe. He wasn't going to let him leave his sight ever again. That sounded a little possessive and weird, but he meant it. He wasn't going to finally get his brother back after ten whole years just to lose him again.

"Sorry," He didn't really sound the same, either. "I'm not your brother."

Just when he thought he acquired a blessing, it turned out to be a curse.

Face flushed, he ran until he tripped over another live body. He glanced at it in confusion, until he remembered he owned a dog. Actually, he owned three dogs. After everything, he just couldn't seem to truly dislike animals. In fact, he enjoyed cuddling with them at the end of the day. A week before he told his pets he was sad, so the German Shepherd licked his face. He also had cats, but they preferred to be outside most of the time. They'd occasionally offer him some of their prey, though. While seeing dead animals made him feel upset, he pretended to accept their gift, anyway.

He layed on the floor, covered his ears with his hands, and let out an ear-piercing screech. He screamed until his voice was horse. After a while, he started to sob. A hand rubbed his back and soothing words drifted into his ear. He hadn't done that before, but he nobody came to their house anymore, much less somebody named Gilbert. Even his false hope faded away for a few moments.

"How about you watch television since you probably won't go to sleep for a while." Feliciano murmured as he grabbed the remote. The T.V. turned on at the simple click of a button, which used to amaze him.

"Let's watch this." he whispered, merely because he couldn't talk. It was just the news, but at least he could pretend he was still interacting with others if he watched it. Besides, all the others shows were full of complete lies, especially 'reality' shows. Gilbert could be walking around in the background and he wouldn't know it if he didn't watch the news. The only trouble was that he couldn't look out the window at the same time.

"Oh, Wiggie, not this. How about-"

"No." Feliciano grew really nervous, but Ludwig didn't notice. They sat there and stared at the screen for who-knows-how-long. He wasn't listening. Not much, anyway. Just enough to get the gist of it. Something about a car crash. He knew he should feel more concerned, but truthfully, he only cared if Gilbert was in that car. His eyes darted to every single person on the screen, but he didn't see anybody that looked like his relative.

"After exactly ten years, police have found Gilbert Beilschmidt." A picture of him popped up on to the screen. Ludwig jumped up. Oh, God, yes. Thank everything good in life. That was definitely his brother. The grin was back. He'd never felt so phenomenal. His heart pounded against his chest. All of the sudden, he forgot how to breathe. His rocked back and forth on his heels.

"A few hikers saw his body under a pile on snow in Russia. One of his arms appears to be missing. The family has been notified." Oh, God, no. Where did he go wrong? That was definitely his brother, and he cursed the fact. His mouth opened slightly as he gasped. He'd never felt so horrendous. His heart dropped. He hyperventilated and his knees shook violently. And Feliciano /knew/. Who else would 'family' be? They obviously called here to talk to Ludwig, but Feliciano answered instead.

_"I hate you!"_ he bellowed. He ran to the bathroom. Feliciano tried to follow him, but he slammed the door in his face and locked himself in. He officially didn't care about his roommate anymore. Why didn't he tell him? How could he keep this a secret? He crouched down and pulled out the blade he hid behind the sink.

"Ludwig? Please let me in. …Ludwig?! Answer me!" Whatever. Feliciano didn't need to act like he care about him. He set the blade next to the sink and reached up to open the bathroom cupboard. He grabbed the old antidepressants he forgot about a long time ago. He didn't bother to read the expiration date - though he heard they still work after it expires - and poured some into he mouth. He managed to swallow them with water from the sink. It didn't take him long to refill the cup of water and take some more. Right before he felt like he was going to pass out, he took the blade and slit his throat. If Gilbert wasn't alive, he couldn't go on anymore.

As he fell, a pair of hands pulled him out of his lifeless body. He yanked one of his hands away so he could grab the large wings. He always knew Gilbert was an angel.


End file.
